I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize