i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
