i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
