Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
