Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
