There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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