is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
