If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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