I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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