Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
