I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
