oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
