Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
