Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
