Non-Jews are for practice
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
