I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
