in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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