DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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