The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
