I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
