But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
