i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
