Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
