either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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