I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need to sanitize my soul.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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