my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
