and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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