He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
