i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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