She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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