Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
