remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
