You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
