Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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