In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
