I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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