I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Idk if I want to put a bra on
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
