i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
