seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
