So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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