Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
