i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Never underestimate the power of titties
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
