Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
