He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
