I got chris browned last night
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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