I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
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