If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
