apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
