I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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