Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
