every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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