I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
