Plan B is the new Plan A
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
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using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
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It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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