I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
