Please, let me fuck your mom
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Randomize
