the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
