she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
