I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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