I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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