totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
