you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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