I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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