my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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