The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
