Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
