Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
